2023 has changed my life forever. For me this year will always be remembered as the year my biggest dream came true when we bought our house. And the year my worst nightmare became reality when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Two life-altering events, colliding at the same time.
But it wasn’t just life that changed...
I will never return to the person I was before cancer. Sometime I grieve that version of me, the one who lived without this constant awareness of mortality. I thought I understood that life was finite, but there’s a difference between knowing it in theory and feeling it in your bones every day. The fear of recurrence or the cancer spreading isn’t just an abstract worry; it’s a shadow that lingers, a rational dread because cancer doesn’t play by the rules. It can return or spread at any time. And that reality is something I have to learn to live with.
The idea of a “happily ever after” shattered in an instant. Moving into our new home - a moment that should have been filled with joy and fresh beginnings - was tangled up with the harsh reality of fighting for my life. The contrast was jarring. One moment, I was picking out furniture and planning for the future; the next, I was navigating a world of biopsies, chemotherapy, and uncertainty.
Cancer has changed every part of my life; my work, my relationships, my sense of self. It has changed not only how I look but also how I see the world and the people around me. The changes feel endless. Some are painful and challenging, while others have brought unexpected clarity and a renewed sense of what truly matters.
Some moments in life change us in ways that go beyond the physical or chemical, they reshape us at our core. So how do you return to "normal" when everything has been turned upside down? When you are no longer the same? The worries that once felt all-consuming now seem insignificant. Your sense of time shifts. Priorities are revaluated. And the life you once knew no longer fits the person you’ve become.
My therapist tells me that trauma rewires the brain. Experiencing extreme fear changes our chemistry, activating something called the “Fear Circuitry”; a protective mechanism that alters how we function. And with that often comes a loss of innocence. Before cancer, I never truly considered that my body could betray me like this. Now, that knowledge is inescapable. It manifests in fatigue, sleep disturbances, nightmares, the fear of recurrence, the anxiety before every scan, the avoidance of emotions, the struggle to find joy, the difficulty concentrating. Life feels heavier in ways I never imagined.
So how do I move forward? How do I embrace this “new normal” without resigning myself to it? How do I find peace, meaning, and fulfilment while carrying this reality with me?
I’ve decided I won’t waste precious time worrying about what I can’t control. Instead, I’m focusing on what is within my power; living as healthily and fully as I can, however long that may be.
One source of inspiration has been the Netflix documentary Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones. It explores longevity and well-being, and I’ve decided to integrate its principles into my new life, building a foundation for strength and resilience:
🥗 Eat with intention: Nourish your body with real, whole foods; a rainbow of fresh vegetables, fruits, unprocessed meats, seafood, and healthy fats. Eat mindfully, stopping before you’re completely full. Drink plenty of water to support your body’s natural healing processes and reduce inflammation.
🏃♀️ Move daily: Exercise isn’t just about the gym, it’s about weaving movement into everyday life. Walking, stretching, building strength, improving balance. Movement isn’t just physical; it’s an act of self-care, a way to remind myself that my body is still capable and strong.
🤝 Stay socially connected: Cancer can feel isolating, but community is vital. I’m making a conscious effort to share my fears and experiences with trusted friends, support groups, and loved ones. Talking about it normalizes the experience and reminds me that I am not alone.
🧘♀️ Manage stress: Life is too short to stress over the little things. I’m prioritizing joy, rest, and mindfulness… taking breaks when needed, doing things that fill my cup, and focusing on what truly matters.
🎯 Find purpose: What drives me? What brings me fulfilment? Who do I want to help? Cancer has forced me to reflect deeply on these questions, and I’m working towards goals that align with my passions.
🙏 Practice gratitude: Whenever possible, I choose gratitude. It doesn’t erase the pain or the fear, but it shifts my focus. Feeling grateful for what I have, for the moments of joy, for the people who support me… it helps me stay grounded.
Another step I’ve taken in adjusting to my “new normal” is joining the HOPE Course (Help Overcoming Problems Effectively). It’s a 6-week, group-based program that helps people like me deal with the ongoing impact of cancer on our lives. The course offers practical tools for managing the challenges we face, rediscovering our strengths, and finding our way forward after treatment. For me, it’s been such a helpful way to navigate this confusing post-treatment phase and regain a sense of control over my life. It’s a reminder that even when things feel uncertain, there are ways to move forward with intention.
Finding a new normal after cancer looks different for everyone. What has helped you the most in creating a life beyond survival? Have certain routines, habits, or mindsets made a difference for you? I’d love to hear about your experience, feel free to share in the comments or reach out. Let’s navigate this next chapter together.
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